Etiquette just fancy word for consideration

By MAUREEN ROSE
Acting Turret Editor
maureen.rose@us.army.mil

I’ve long admired a columnist who I started reading when I was a teenager. Judith Martin—known as Miss Manners—answers etiquette questions in her regular columns in “The Washington Post.”
I find courtesy to be an immensely attractive quality. It’s not that I’m going to have a major hissy fit if someone fails to lay her napery on her lap the instant she’s taken her seat at the dinner table. However, I find Miss Manners’ suggestions for appropriate behavior are not willy-nilly rules to make people miserable, but rather are soundly grounded in consideration and kindness for others. Should the aforementioned table guest fail to position her napkin appropriately, calling attention to her failure is not the correct response as it would only serve to embarrass her.
However, I’ve observed behavior lately that suggests some segments of our society have never been exposed to Miss Manners or—as my co-worker would suggest—they haven’t had any “home training.”
A case in point: Recently, with my hands full, I approached a door and managed to juggle my load just long enough to depress the push bar and began forcing my way through the doorway, while keeping my arms tightly around the stack of papers I was saddled with. However, at that point, two younger folks—not children by any means—nearly knocked me down in their rush to come through the door, leaving me no choice but to hold the door for them.
I have been guilty on occasion of doing something similar, but as soon as I realized someone else was coming the other way—I immediately apologized and tried to make amends.
No such apology or even acknowledgement was forthcoming in this instance.
I’m afraid my native tongue of sarcasm often prevails at such times, but it rarely has the impact that I’d hoped for. I’m tempted to suggest the hooligans wouldn’t recognize sarcasm if it bit them—you know where.
With women’s liberation and all that upheaval of the ‘60s, I have no intention of demanding special treatment because I’m a woman. However, basic courtesy would suggest that we all should offer assistance to any other person who was having difficulty—whether with a heavy door, grocery bags, or a tray at the cafeteria. The point is, when someone needs a hand, what can it hurt to lend one? My understanding is that—along with opposable thumbs—courtesy is what makes us different from animals.
I’m not suggesting that people put themselves in harm’s way—I myself debated only briefly before deciding not to stop for the three burly, leather-clad bikers with four suitcases and a large dog who were thumbing for a ride on Highway 31W yesterday. (The bikers were thumbing—not the dog—forgive my convoluted syntax).
My decision was based solely on numbers—some of my best friends are leather-clad bikers—but three to one doesn’t seem like an equitable ratio, should a difference of opinions arise, my courtesy be disregarded, and the situation deteriorate to a disagreement that might force me to use strong language. I opted to avoid the situation because I loathe confrontations.
I’m somewhat puzzled by the frequent lapses of courtesy that I’ve have encountered lately; generally, Soldiers tend to be polite to the point of annoyance—a person can only stand so many “yes, ma’ams”—so I’m not sure what’s happening.
I earned my AARP membership some time ago and, while I still get around under my own power, I would have thought some might still render a little extra consideration for those who are not-as-young-as-they. Hasn’t anyone ever heard of the Biblical mandate to respect your elders?
I suspect the rudeness doesn’t lie in an intentional disrespect, but rather people—especially young ones—are so absorbed in their own music (I can only guess that’s what is being funneled into their heads by the wires protruding from their ears) and conversations (saints preserve us from those cell-phone addicts) they really don’t pay much attention to their surroundings.
Please, folks, look up and look out. Be mindful of those who aren’t as speedy and light on their feet as you are.
And if you happen to bump into someone who needs a hand—slow down long enough to help them. It’s a nice feeling—for both of you.
Make Miss Manners proud.